#its a bit more limited and thats why i kinda. stuck to one brush the entire time

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi. I have hink this is gonna get long a bit

Tw: parental abuse, Mental health issues.

Plz dont continue if this would harm ur health

I guess i need to vent. Advise. And perhaps reassurance.

Im 13 years old. Basically a minor so i cant leave my parents'. Though even if i wasn't i wouldn't be able to move out, as i live in the middle east, and this thing is unknown to our culture. (There isnt shame in still living with ur parents even at after ur twenties. But shame on u if u leave them even if it was for studying. Though the last rule only applies to girls. And guess how lucky i am?)

Anyways, i have 4 siblings. 3 of them live out bec of college. My two sisters r in college, my brother getting a master, all of them in different countries.

My last sister would be leaving at the end of this school year. To live with my sisters for college. And i support her. I do. She can get out. And shes gonna do whatever she wants in that country (with limits, perhaps, but still.) But, guess what? Im the luckiest, youngest, of all five of us. So i get to be stuck with my parents alone here. Which im very angry about, and terrified of.

Perhaps i should insight u to what my parents are. My mother is the one mainly abusive, she doesn't let anything slip by, emotionally unavailable but questions why we (me, especially) dont care, ask, and worry about her. She basically wants to force her dreams on me. She doesn't fight me on my hobby, writing, but that doesn't mean she supports it. And shes against me going out with any of my friends, other than going to their houses which she usually doesn't even let me bec they live too far? I mean, even the mall thats beside our school (and filled with KIDS) is forbidden.

While dad seems the quiet one, hes actually kinda worse. Because u dont see his abuse. You mainly see mom urging him to punish us and so u would have a grudge against mom, not him. Even though he's the one who delivered. He was my figure when i was little. He wasn't close enough for me to tell him personal stuff, but we were close. I was his favorite. We used to go out on our bikes and race, we used to go buy groceries together a lot. He would take me (and only me) out with him to places that seem really silly now but they meant a lot. I found closure with him. Which might be why i didnt recognize his abuse. Mom's is loud and demanding attention. Dad's is quiet. The type that creeps up on you, slowly eating away ur confidence and self-worth. For years dad made fun of my hair (which is an insecurity, i have a Hermione-ish type of hair, mom made me feel bad about when i stopped brushing it when i was a kid. But his comments were the worst) He went against everything i wanted, and worst of all, he didn't do anything about moms abuse. He was abusive himself. And lately starting physical abuse again. (Im sorry im taking too much but my parents used religion bec there was a text where he said that u can punish a child if they dont pray which doesn't excuse anything bec what they hit us about wasn't about our religion. Even if it was, my religion is way better than let parents ABUSE their children. and they found out a couble of months ago that hitting ur child over three times isnt permited. I had fun watching mom panick bec she knows what shes done. She basically asked us to forgive her. Two of my sisters said yes. Me and my other sister didn't say anything) My point is, just when i felt the bit of stuff getting better. He came in. Now heres the thing, when they hit u, it doesn't leave any marks, and it barely hurts. But its pretty much more of a psychological abuse than physical

I guess what im asking advise in is, how do i deal with this? I have a friend that knows about this already, im working on my confidence, my mental health, but i cant have therapy bec my parents wouldn't agree to it (i meant to ask them about it, but i haven't. They'll just make it a joke.) But i cant build anything if i dont solve the root of it all. And i just never felt so lost and pressured and im having a lot of more breakdowns. (I think i have anxiety, cuz the symptoms often look like anxiety attacks).

I shouldn't have to feel this at 13. Im supposed to be having fun.

Hey there,

That is a lot to be dealing with, especially for a 13 year old. You're absolutely right that you should be having fun, not dealing with abuse and trauma. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You deserve so much better. Please know that things won't always be like this.

I'm sure it's really scary and distressing to know that your sister will be leaving soon and you'll be left with your parents. It's hard to know what to expect. It sounds like your mother is emotionally neglectful, but accuses others of not caring. That's hypocritical for sure and I'm sure that's frustrating and upsetting.

It's awful being isolated, I feel for you. You deserve to be able to hang out with your friends and peers. There is nothing wrong with wanting to socialize with people your age.

It can hurt a lot when your relationship with your parent changes. You and your dad enjoyed your time together before, but now, it seems like he is criticizing you and not building you up. People who physically abuse others use physical acts, even if they aren't that hard, to intimidate and control their victims. You do not deserve to be hit, at all, ever.

You deserve parents who give your love and care. None of their treatment is a reflection of you. You are so worthy of compassion and nurturing.

Coping with abuse when you can't leave home.

Here are some coping skills.

Panic attack help.

Grounding can help calm you down and help you feel connected to your body and the world around you. Here are some links: One, two

Breathing exercises: One, two, three.

Journaling can help when you want to vent or work through your thoughts and feelings. Returning to what you've written when you're feeling okay is great so you can reflect on what you were going through.

Online therapy/counseling/chat. 7 Cups of Tea, BlahTherapy, and HelpfulChat may be worth looking into.

Take care. Remember how important and worthy you are. You have a bright future.

- Mod Misa

[shrimpgogurt]

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.